by Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
What are the tools to get to THE ENCHANTED SELF® part of ourselves? What skills do we need in order to find happiness that is unique and sustainable for each person?
This paper outlines the positive psychology methods that you need to employ to enter each of the “Seven Gateways to Happiness.â€
First Gateway: Honoring what is Right about Ourselves Rather Than What is Wrong
As women, we're all experts in identifying what is wrong with ourselves. We can probably quickly make up a long list, detailing what is wrong in our lives. However, it's a lot harder to get in touch with what is right. We need to know ourselves in positive ways. We need to learn how to honor our talents, strengths, even our coping skills which serve us so well. And most important, we need to treasure and enjoy our potential.
These parts of us, if not honored, identified and talked about both to ourselves and to others, will lose their power. We have to keep igniting them. We need to get to know ourselves in ways that emphasize the heroic, strong parts of ourselves. This means using our memories in very different ways from what we've been accustomed to. It means searching through our history to find our talents, strengths and even lost potential, even if we have to sort through pounds of dysfunction. It means searching our past for what is right about ourselves, not for what is wrong.
Gateway Two: Falling in Love with Ourselves
This is an extremely important gateway. This gateway is achieved after we have made efforts to reclaim and honor our talents, capacities, strengths, lost potential and coping skills. Now we are ready. We no longer break our hearts by putting ourselves down and saying "No, no, you can't do that," or "You're stupid." Now we are ready to say, "Yes, I love myself. I have a lot to offer. I am capable of having fun. I am capable of doing good, and no one can sidetrack me from who I really am."
When you fall in love with yourself, you begin to feel the positive self-esteem that comes when we don't deflate ourselves. You're ready to take yourself out for tea or to that wonderful spa for a day, or to go back and play the piano, which you always wanted to do. You're ready to recognize all the tools of wisdom that you have to offer. You're ready
to recognize that you have an Enchanted Self that deserves to be part of your every day. When you love yourself, you know when you need help. You know when you need guidance. It isn't a narcissistic love where you feel that you are perfect. It's a love of yourself, as you would love a child. If the child is ill, you take the child to the doctor. If the child comes home with a good paper from school, you put it on the refrigerator. It's a self-acknowledgment that makes you viable, real, and whole. Now you've become really ready to see the story of your life in a positive light. Even the disappointments, even tragedies have served only to hone you like tempered steel. You've been through the battles and have emerged stronger. You're in charge of your own self, a most wonderful feeling!
Gateway Three: Learning to Meet Our Needs and Negotiate Successfully
There's nothing more demoralizing than a woman who does not know how to speak up for herself, who doesn't have a voice for herself. When we feel ignored or not understood, we can feel rage and anger building. Often as women we find ourselves in a predicament where we don't know how to speak up. We simply don't know how to negotiate for what we want. While sometimes it's a cultural attitude that we've taken on, for instance that women should be demure, quiet, and modest, often it's due to a lack of understanding the appropriate skill-set necessary for negotiating effectively. All of these factors put a tremendous pressure on our true capacities. Our future happiness or fulfillment is restricted simply because we don't know the right road to get there.
Learning how to meet our needs and how to negotiate appropriately is a lot of work, but the satisfaction far outweighs the work. When you have been able to speak with integrity
to a husband, mother-in-law or a boss, when you have been able to finish a level of training that moves you ahead professionally, you're really living your Enchanted Self.
You feel as special as you deserve to feel. It's worth every moment of effort.
Gateway Four: Replenishment - Truly coming home to our Enchanted Self
Replenishment, joy, pleasure and delight are all parts of truly coming home to our Enchanted Selves. If any gateway is the pivotal gateway for a woman, it is this gateway.
This is the gateway that we must return to above all others, as frequently as possible. It is where we fuel up, where we energize. It is where we fill ourselves again so that we can meet the needs of others, be the caretakers of the world, bring up our children, spend time with the elderly, and do the hundreds of womanly tasks that we do, including having a full time job and running a home.
It may seem strange to you at first, but the smartest way to fill up again once we’ve become depleted is to bring personal satisfaction and replenishment back into our own lives. This means really knowing who you are, loving yourself and knowing how to meet your needs. If you feel rejuvenated after a great game of tennis, then that works for you. If you try to fill up by going to a comedy performance or having a massage, you may remain on empty if it isn't right for you. Choosing what is right differs from person to person, so invest some good thought into finding out what is right for yourself. In THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, I teach how to sort through your memories to get to know yourself, so that you can really tune in on the best forms of replenishment, joy and pleasure for you. A general rule of thumb is to look for what has felt good in the past, and try to either duplicate it or find a way to transform the activity into a form that works for your present stage of life. For example, a long swim in a lake in childhood might now be light swimming, walking in the pool at the local “Y,†and a cup of coffee!
Gateway Five: Coming Home or Going Away, Finding Tribes in Which to Belong
As women we find ourselves automatically belonging to certain groups. There's the family we're born into, the family we may have created through marriage, and all sorts of other groups going on in our lives: PTA groups, office colleagues and church affiliations, etc.
Many women don't realize how critical it is to belong to groups. Depression feeds very quickly off of isolation. By nature most women not only share commonly in our care taking and in our concerns about others, but we enjoy and thrive when we're a part of the right groups. We want to be connected. We don't want to be isolated.
Choosing the right groups, the right tribes to belong to, is part of the dilemma and the wonderment of going through adult life. While our children don't always have much freedom in choosing what groups they belong to, sometimes they can be so greatly against an activity that we finally let them quit. We may let them leave the Girl Scouts or little league, or perhaps stop taking piano lessons, thus letting them make their own determinations.
But we, as adult women, can on the whole always have the privilege and luxury of picking our groups. It may well be time, as your children get older, to say "goodbye" forever to the PTA. It may be time to find a religious affiliation that is or is not connected to your heritage or what you were initially exposed to.
Gateway Six: Sharing Our Wisdom, Mentoring and Being Mentored
As women, we live in a golden age. We have more education than women have historically had access to. We live longer; we're healthier; we look better. Everything is really in our favor if we know how to absorb and share our wisdom and knowledge. The key to making use of all our opportunities, and maybe even the key to a happy and healthy longevity, is learning what we need to learn. What a lot of women don't realize is that mentoring can come in many different forms. I can be sitting with an 85-year-old
woman and in listening to the story of her life have my heart warmed and my courage heightened, just by hearing the things she's had to deal with and live through in her many years. I can also be in the presence of a two-year-old and learn the infectious, delightful nature of laughter once more, a lesson I may have forgotten too often. I can be taking a walk at the shore, listening to the sounds of the ocean waves and letting them soothe me, reminding me of the constancy of Mother Nature and her efforts to keep the world whole and in rhythm. Wherever a woman passes in her life, she can be giving and receiving profound levels of exchange with nature and with other people of all ages and all stages of life. This is indeed what the good life is all about.
Gateway Seven: Positive Action, Remember the Notion of a Good Deed
This Gateway is the gateway of positive action, or “Why not do a good deed, it can’t hurt!†We're all faced with bouts of discouragement, letdowns and disappointments, and for women, certainly the cycle of life itself has its ups and downs. Anyone fortunate enough to have longevity on her side will inevitably sustain losses and disappointments. None of the Gateways to Happiness can totally prevent a person from the necessary bumps and grinds of life, but what they do provide are mechanisms not only with which to pick ourselves up heroically, but to strengthen ourselves and make the world a better place for us. One of the very best ways to do this is through positive action. I look at positive action in three ways.
For one thing, it's good practice to take positive action, whether it's about a personal issue in your own life, or to help others. This forces us to practice timeliness, good behaviors, and often good logic and decision-making.
Secondly, taking positive action can definitely help offset loneliness, letdown feelings, and feelings of discouragement. It does this by the act of pushing us into connecting with people, sharing with people and having the opportunity to experience the happiness shared by others when they are affected by something positive that we do. The cliché, “A smile is more infectious than a frown,†definitely holds true in this case.
Thirdly, doing positive action helps us to grow emotionally and spiritually. And it helps the world at large. It is a win-win for everybody and everything alive.
Positive psychology in general and the Enchanted Self Gateways to Happiness emphasize how important and how much fun it can be to rediscover the best of ourselves.
I wish you good luck and good times as you enter the Gateways to Happiness!
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein is a Positive Psychology expert and the author of THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT: The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, There Comes a Time in Every Woman’s Life for DELIGHT! and her latest book THE TRUTH, I’m Ten, I’m Smart and I Know Everything! Originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF®, Dedicated to Delight, Purpose and of course, Feeling Good About Ourselves! The Enchanted Self - Dr. Barbara Holstein.
Article Source: ArticleRich.com
Seven Gateways to Happiness A Positive Psychology Method for Increased Happiness
The Key to Genuine Happiness
By Jim DeSantis
Life can be the greatest game going. One day it can taste like the sweetest candy, the next, as sour as unsweetened lemonade. When you feel like your world is just too bleak, look around and you will find people in similar circumstances who are happy!
There are many people who are facing the same circumstances as you but they live fascinating and wonderful lives. How did their lives become so adorably sweet? How do they manage to laugh and play despite their circumstances?
The key to maintaining a happy attitude, no matter the circumstances, is simple. You've heard it said - "Love yourself, first." That's true enough but it's not the answer to our question. No, the answer is - "Like you, first.” That's right - Like You! Be your best friend.
Your real life best friend likes who you are right now with all your imperfections, quirks, and circumstances. For true happiness, you must become your best friend before you can begin to love yourself. Loving yourself means not doing things that will hurt you in some way. You'll never get me bungee jumping or skydiving because I love this body I live in!
You may also have heard it said - “loving means accepting.” Change this to - "liking means accepting." To like yourself, and others, means to realize that we are not perfect beings. You will never be perfect no matter how long you walk this earth. No one living today are perfect. No, not anyone!
Liking yourself means developing an attitude of genuine contentment. When you accept your current job, accept the way you look, accept your family, accept your friends, your home, your car, and all the material things you now have – truly, you know what genuine contentment is. You have begun to love yourself and be genuinely happy.
An unhappy person never accepts the good in their circumstances because they are always comparing themselves to someone who seems to have what they think they are lacking. This is an exercise in "stinkin’ thinkin’." They see themselves as unlucky and as a failure in life. They don't like themselves.
You will never like yourself if you compare yourself to other people. If you keep questioning life like it has never done you any good or that you are a failure, you will never be able to find genuine happiness. So . . .
1) Snap out of it!
2) Stop the comparisons! Stop seeing others as better off than you are or more intelligent than you are! You really have no idea of the details of their lives so your comparison is flawed from the start. You simply do not have enough information to make a comparison.
3) Stop the expectations! Stop placing unreasonable expectations on yourself and others based upon false information. Are you a glutton for self-punishment?
4) Get over yourself! You'll never be perfect, remember?
Life can be the greatest game. Go at it with gusto. It's about finding out about right and wrong, trying and failing, wining and losing. These are things that happen as often as you inhale and exhale. These are as necessary as air is to living. These are your teachers. Embrace them with enthusiasm.
Is anyone genuinely happy in spite of life's trials and tribulations or are they just acting like they are? Here again we are making comparisons.
Does it matter to you if anyone else is truly happy? No, it doesn't, at this point. You see, you need to get yourself in line with life before you can worry about anyone else. You need to focus on YOU!
You need to focus on improving how you feel about the quality of you own life and your inner being. It starts and ends within YOU!
Here is a revealing exercise.
Start each day with a blank sheet of paper divided into two columns. Label one column - "Positive Stuff,” label the other column - "Negative Stuff.” At the end of each day write down as many positives and negatives that you experienced that day. Write down only those that really stick out. Now, study your lists.
This exercise will reveal just where your attitude needs to change toward all the things in life that you confront each day. As you examine your list, ask yourself two questions:
1) "Why do I feel that's positive?"
2) "Why do I feel that's negative?"
Now, examine your inner definitions of what's positive and what's negative. You decided what's positive and what's negative by using your expectations of how you believe you should have handled what the world threw at you that day, right? The key to finding contentment and genuine happiness is to change your definitions, the way you evaluate how you handle life. But, how do you change your definitions and begin to become genuinely happy?
Everyone has a personal definition of "happiness." Happiness for a writer may mean having a first novel published. Happiness for a basketball rookie may mean getting the rookie of the year award. Happiness for a beggar may mean five dollars handed to him by a generous passerby. Happiness for a businessman may mean a 5% profit margin. But all those are temporary. All those exist in a moment in time.
Would the writer be content with having only a single article published? Would the rookie be content to just enjoy playing the game? Would the beggar be content with just one dollars? Would the businessman be content with a 2% profit margin? Contentment is knowing that current circumstances change minute-by-minute, day-to-day, realizing that "every day above ground is a good day!" Simple.
So, how do you become genuinely happy? Realize that your happiness does not depend upon having the best things in this world. It’s about doing and making the best out of every single thing you have. Smiling at your own mistakes and telling yourself - “Oh, I’ll do better next time” - is a powerful mental tool that you can use anytime the situation calls for it. You possess a willingness to stand up again and try, a willingness that will make you a genuinely happy person.
When you learn to like yourself by accepting your faults, you have begun the journey toward becoming genuinely happy. By accepting yourself first, you will be more accepting of others. You will see life as a great and fun game in which to play. You will accept your wins and your losses with equally positive enthusiasm because it really makes no difference to your inner self.
Let me leave you with one more thought - Most of us know that laughter is the best medicine to life’s aches and pain. But most of us don’t know that the best kind of laughter is laughing at your own mistakes and foibles. Laughing at yourself will truly set you free to live life with genuine happiness.
Yours for success!
Jim DeSantis
Jim DeSantis is a retired broadcast journalist who edits the eBooks Library at http://www.libraryfordummys.jdanswers.com or visit Jim's Abundance blog at http: //on-line-tribune-abundance.blogspot.com .
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Be the Center of Attention - Anytime, Anywhere
By Jim DeSantis
When you are a socially-skilled person, you will achieve a higher level of greatness only because other people will promote you by telling others what a great person you are to be around or to do business with. Yes, these skills will help you make lots of money.
My friend "Red" was the consummate people-person. He made a small fortune selling used cars - part time! People made an appointment with him just to buy from him and only him! They spread the word to their friends that Red was the go-to guy for a used car.
When you master the following social skills, you will have the trust and all-out support of others just like Red. These will be people you have helped who are eager to help you. All you have to do is ask and they will bend over backwards to get you what you need. This gives you a small army of people who will help you achieve anything your heart desires.
Once you learn the following social skills and apply them, you reach a level self-empowerment never imagined by you. In effect, self-empowerment is making a general overhaul of your life and turning yourself into a happier and more successful person. You just have to know and apply the following 10 skills.
1. Be genuine.
Make sure you go at this with good motives. People can read a phony and you will be stopped before you can even get started because people will tell others to keep away from you.
Be genuinely interested in everyone you meet. Once they perceive that you have selfish intentions, you might as well say goodbye to self-empowerment.
2. Be the greatest listener that you can be.
To earn the love and trust of people, listen to their problems and sympathize with them. Do not just hear them out, listen to them with your heart. Make eye contact and listen intently because every word they speak matters. And, ask questions to draw them out. Resist giving them unsolicited advice. Just listen, ask questions, and listen some more. Soon they will see that you are a person they can confide in.
3. Laugh out loud.
Don't force yourself to laugh at every joke or comment if you do not find it funny. A polite smile is fine in that case but, if it's funny to you, laugh out loud. Find humor in things and don’t be deadly serious about everything. When you display an awesome sense of humor, you will attract others and eventually, build successful relationships.
4. Don't forget yourself.
In the process of fluttering around like a social butterfly, guard against allowing others to walk all over you. If you love and value yourself before anyone else, if you see yourself worthy of affection and respect, people will flock to you and not simply use you. What do I mean by this? It's a fact that some people will see your personality as weak and will not take you seriously. Ignore them and move to others who appreciate you.
5. Be a "good-deed-doer.”
You don't have to give until you are broke. In fact, money is the worst thing you can give. Instead, do little acts of kindness. These matter most and can be as simple as sending someone a surprise "Thinking of you" card or helping someone acquire something they need through one of your friends or contacts. I often use my network of acquaintances to make things happen for others with a simple phone call.
6. Contact your old friends.
Many friendships are destined to end for various reasons beyond our control. But, thanks to technology, you can do something about it. Relive the good old days by flipping through your yearbook and look for the great people whom you want to communicate with again. Adding these old friends to your roster of support peers will surely make you, and them, feel good all over.
If you locate them, don't make direct contact at first. Instead, break the ice by sending a card with your phone number enclosed. Invite them to contact you. Let things take a natural course. They may have reasons for not renewing the friendship.
7. Kill your negative personality.
Are you grouchy, grumpy and generally a doom-and-gloom person? If you are, I'll bet you can count your friends and acquaintances on one hand! Get rid of those traits and habits that have been hampering your growth. No one wants to be around a grouch.
8. Be confident.
This takes courage at first but learn to move around a room of people and purposely introduce yourself to people with that winning smile of yours. Just remember: be confident, not arrogant. Apply #1 and #2 above as you meet and greet new people.
9. Practice control.
When angry, don't snap at anyone. Never throw a tantrum. Stay calm and collected. Be adult enough to take control of the situation. Transform your anger into something more productive. If your anger rises to gigantic proportions easily, people will find it hard to confide in you. In fact, people will avoid you.
10. Keep nurturing your relationships.
Whatever happens in life, your relationships with your family, friends and significant others are so precious that you must not neglect them. Keep them active by going out and having fun with them. Do things together. Happiness will never elude you when the people who matter most to you are close to you.
In the end, self-empowerment means becoming a better and more lovable person. It's a win-win situation - people know they can turn to you for help and comfort and they will be eager to return the favor.
Yours for success in life.
Jim DeSantis
For more tips like this, visit Jim's Personal Challenges blog at http://on-line-tribune-personal-challenges.blogspot.com . For helpful eBooks, visit Jim's eBooks Library at http://www.libraryfordummys.jdanswers.com .
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Answer These 7 Questions To Gain A Better Life
By Jim DeSantis
Whether or not you realize it, average folks actually make it possible for other average folks to become winners. This is the time to evaluate yourself and your future. It takes some real, heart felt honesty. If you really want to change your life for the better, here is how to start.
Above all, you must believe that you have the potential to do just about anything you dream of doing and that you can become just about anybody you want to become.
We all have our perceptions of the ideal life. It can be obtaining financial freedom or as simply as becoming an under par golfer. The truth is, many people fail to achieve their dream because they can’t get a solid, clear pictures in their mind of what they really want out of life. You may have already entertained the thought of what would be your ideal life. You quickly dismissed the thought as not possible because you had no idea how to get there or, perhaps, you think too lowly of yourself.
Print this article and, over the next few days, go on an inner fact-finding journey that, I promise, will be a life-changing experience. As you move through these steps, write it all down in a notebook. Write down every thought, feeling, and ah-ha moment!
If I were face-to-face with you right now, I would ask - "Do you think you know what you really want?"
If you can't tell me, you need to move through the rest of this article.
Start by letting your thoughts run wild, then focus on identifying that one overwhelming desire that you keep going back to in your mind. Don't be swayed to change your mind at this point. If you give up easily in this first step, you are already beaten before you start. Maybe you’re still a bit confused and aren’t sure what you really want in life? Here are the 7 Powerful Questions you must answer to have the Ideal Life! Answer these questions as honestly as you dare!
1) What makes your heart beat with excitement?
2) What would be that one thing that would make you happy?
3) What are you constantly thinking of day and night?
4) What do you want to do with the rest of your life?
5) What makes you feel successful when you do it?
6) What are your obsessions, passions?
7) What one thing makes you jump for joy every time you do it or see it done by others?
Write down all your possible answers to the above questions. Write down everything, no matter how silly or unimportant it seems. You can have more than one answer for each question at this point.
When that’s done, go back and circle five to seven items that interest you the most. Then evaluate and choose with your emotions, not your logic, what you believe is the one and only thing worthy to spend all your time and resources to attain which will bring out the best in you.
If you wind up with, “I want to play quarterback for the Dolphins” and you’re more than 25 years old, I'd say - snap out of it. The Bible says you are not to "think too highly of yourself, nor, too lowly.” It's a balance. What if you would really like to be involved in pro football? You could do something related to football. How about starting a sports website or blog? Or perhaps a sporting goods retail business, sports memorabilia business, or even a gym could be the answer. Maybe get a job with a pro team in the front office or coach a local team. The point is, no matter what your dream, don't limit any choices until you have examined each one. When you identify a need, fill it using your talent and ability.
At this point in our process, however, no matter how “pie in the sky” your dream might seem, use your emotions as your guide and, above all, keep this process to yourself. Others will disagree with you. They want to keep you at their level so be quiet about what you really want. If you must ask others for advice, ask people who have some expertise in the area you are interested in. You wouldn't ask a poor relative what financial investments to make, would you?
Each of us gets only one shot at living life to the fullest. There are no replays and you don’t get to do it over. You may not do it all perfectly but you owe it to yourself to go for it. Too many lives have been lived in quiet desperation waiting until – until they had saved a nest egg, until the children are out of school, until I retire. The sad thing is they depart this life before “until” ever arrives. My Dad, when he was late in life, told me - "Son, don't be like me. Go for everything life has to offer." He was great Dad and a great provider for our family but he set aside his dreams along the way. If his dream was to be a great Dad, that's one thing, but I know he had dreams he let pass and he regretted it.
Don’t go to sleep tonight without making a choice about how you really want the rest of your life to go. Hold onto that thought as you fall asleep. When you awake, start the day focusing on how to make it possible and make a living at it. Begin living every day as if you are running out of time, never leaving anything to be done next week, next month, or next year. Absorb information and advice from people who already "know" how to do what you want to do. When you know what they know, you will be doing it too.
It won't be easy. There will always be bills, things will always break down eventually and need replacing, there may be storms and earthquakes and repairs – but there is only this one life for you to live. Don't allow anything or anyone to deter you from your dream. This is how winners - win!
Why let your dreams pass you by? Why be the average person who is always helping someone else be a winner in life when you can be that winner?
Jim DeSantis is a retired broadcast journalist who publishes the Personal Challenges blog at http://on-line-tribune-personal-challenges.blogspot.com and who also edits the Library for Dummy's website at http://www.libraryfordummys.jdanswers.com
Article Source: http://www.free-articles-zone.com
Perfection is a State of Mind
Imagine the universe prior to the Earth's formation 4.5 billion years ago. It was a a time before night and day, a time before life, a time simply of swirling mass and energy, a time of purity and perfection. It was a time when the order of creation gradually drew mass in upon itself, separating it from space to form innumerable swirling planes of light we call galaxies. Among the billions of nuclear furnace pinpoints in one nondescript galaxy (which we now call the Milky Way), was an insignificant star (which we now call the Sun). Orbiting the Sun were eight tiny spheres, one of which would eventually become known as Earth. Earth was a turbulent, violent place blanketed by hot, noxious gases and fraught with destruction caused by meteorites and volcanoes—incapable of supporting life. Change was the order of the day. There was no one to judge this creation, destruction and change good or bad—they simply were.
All Earth’s elements were the ash of stars which had burned out prior to the formation of our sun (we are all of us literally made of stardust). For billions of years Earth orbited the Sun, while its lands, seas and atmosphere gradually coalesced into the forms we presently know. All that existed was the present, for there were no minds to conceive of a past or a future. Time had not yet been invented. It was truly a state of perfection.
When conditions were right, plant life arose on Earth; very simple at first, but increasingly complex over time. A significant step was the evolution of photosynthesis—the ability of plants to convert sunlight into food. Combined with the miracle of procreation, it enabled plants to cover the Earth. For eons, plants lived and died, creating soil for their further development, but also severely polluting the environment with a foreign element not previously found there—oxygen. Still all was perfect.
And then arose animal life, eating plants and breathing the oxygen they respired. More destruction, creation and change. Higher and higher forms of animal life evolved, in which some animals fed off of others, adding new links in what we now call the food chain. Pain, fear and death became integral parts of life, for animals could not live and evolve without them. There was no judgment about these aspects of life; they simply were. It was appropriate for lions to feed on gazelles—there was no other way they could exist. As always the universe was perfect and well-ordered, ever-changing and evolving.
Then came man, and self-awareness. And suddenly, according to modern man, the universe, or at least human life on Earth, is imperfect. The thinking goes like this: If our existence was perfect, there would be no pain, fear or death, and we wouldn't have all this poverty, hunger and conflict, and everyone would be happy all the time. Man is the first imperfect creature to exist in the universe. In the vast perfect expansiveness of the entire universe, there is this one tiny pinpoint of imperfection. God made a mistake. Because he has given us free will, God no longer has a hand in what goes on here. He has abdicated Earth to us and we're screwing it up.
But wait a minute. Can anything be beyond the purview of God? Can it really be that for the first time in the history of the universe God made a mistake? Is such a thing possible? And why are pain, fear and death necessary and perfect for lower animals but not for us? Could it be that perhaps we have an anthropocentric (man-centered) perspective on this issue? Could it be, even though man intellectually knows that Earth (man) is not the center of the universe, that it remains so in the deepest recesses of our psyche?
The imperfections we perceive are calling us to expand our perspective; to align our subjective truths with objective Truth. Perhaps the unpleasant aspects of life don't negate the possibility of perfection. They didn't in the remote past; why should they now just because they apply to us? They have been a necessary catalyst in our evolution. One thing is certain--we wouldn't be here now without them.
If unpleasantness can exist within the definition of perfection, then we are compelled to take a deeper look at the true meaning of perfection. Maybe it isn't that blissful, rosy state of affairs that we have all fantasized about. Maybe it's simply the way things are, however comfortable or uncomfortable they may seem to us. Would God have it any other way? Apparently not.
Because of our anthropocentric perspective we have failed to realize that our definition of perfection is a subjective one and it seldom has anything to do with objective perfection—the Way things are. Given that the Way proceeds with or without our approval, perhaps there is something to be gained from aligning our mental models with the Objective, to understand that it’s perfect that we think that life is imperfect.
The key to experiencing perfection cannot be found in altering the outer state of affairs. For one thing. it would be impossible to get everyone in the world to agree on an ideal state, even if it was possible to attain it. For example, some people might want bliss, but others might feel unending bliss is too boring and prefer drama. It is no coincidence that this sounds uncannily like what exists on our planet now. Perfection isn't some state of affairs, it's a state of mind.
But it's not a state of understanding; it's a state of knowing. And that's the difference that keeps most of us in bondage. For the person who knows in the deepest recesses of his psyche that all is perfect detaches from the outcome of his attempts to control his outer world and continually accepts "what is" moment by moment. He realizes the futility of attachment. He knows that the struggle is not with his boss, his car, his neighbor, his body, the terrorists, his wife or his children, but is entirely within his own mind.
To some this looks like simply giving up; tossing in the towel. Yet it does not imply that we abort our efforts to improve our lives or our world. It only suggests that we balance these efforts with the knowledge that our existence is perfect just the way it is, just as are our efforts to improve it to our liking. Ultimately, we can't make a mistake; the pressure is off.
So Relax!
John Penberthy is the author of the spiritual allegory—now in 11 languages—To Bee or Not to Bee (Sterling Publishing). Available in bookstores, including Barnes & Noble, throughout North America. View the 60 second Preview and send free ecards at www.ToBeeBook.com. An endearing gift!
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Mind Over Mood
By Sarah J Holt
You do not need to feel overwhelmed by stress, fear, fatigue, or anxiety. Use these simple mind over mood tips to feel better and calmer.
Staying In the Present
A mind over mood strategy that can be very effective is to stay in the present. This means to focus on things that are going on in your immediate environment. Often times worries and stress are a direct result of focusing on things that have happened in the past or being concerned with things in the future. Staying in the present can be accomplished by making a decision to focus on the simple pleasures in life, like a cup of hot chocolate, or a warm bath.
Using Realistic Self-Talk
It is easy to tell ourselves that things will never get better, that there is no reason for hope, or that life is unfair. These things are simply not the case. Things may feel like they will never get better, but the fact is they usually do. It is a valuable mind over mood tool to be able to talk back to our negative inner voices and remind ourselves of reality.
Laugh
At first sight this might not seem like a mind over mood technique, but it absolutely can be. Laughter can be the result of a decision to engage in behavior that makes laughing likely. This can be implemented by watching comedies, listening to comedians on tape, or scheduling some time with a friend who makes you laugh. Using it in this way it becomes a mind over mood tool that can increase resiliency to stress and help counteract negative feelings.
Picture a Favorite Place
Using mental imagery to control our moods is nothing new. Many of us as kids, if we were unable to fall asleep at night, were told to picture something pleasant. Now, as adults, we can expand on this idea to create more control over our moods. Think of a place that makes you feel relaxed. Close your eyes and focus on this for a few minutes at a time, once or twice a day. After you have done this for several days you will find it easier to use in stressful situations, where the benefits of picturing a relaxing place can be most evident.
Practice Relaxation Techniques
There are many ways to relax. One way is to listen to music that is calming. Another is to flex each muscle, one at a time, and then relax it. A third way is to take deep breaths and allow your stomach to rise and fall, which is a way to calm your body, and can counteract our tendency to take short, shallow breaths. Whichever method used, relaxation techniques are a good way to start the day and end it, in addition to any time where you are needing to relax.
Sarah Holt writes for Increase Brainpower .com. Visit the Better Life section, and get the Brain Power Newsletter and other free gifts, at: http://www.IncreaseBrainPower.com/better-life.html
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Are We Willing to Change Our Thoughts To Be Happy?
Are We Willing to Change Our Thoughts to Become Happy?
Now this is a question that we have all pondered at one time or another in our life. Are we willing to look at ourselves and determine if we need a change? Or are we willing to just trudge along as we are – unfulfilled ?
Do we hold on to our negative thoughts? Do we hold grudges? Do we want to seek revenge for those who have hurt or shamed us?
I bet that most of us at some point in our lifetime would have said “Yes” to the above. But I ask you - “What did it gain you?” Did you really feel better by holding on to those negative thoughts?
I would also bet that most of you, if you truly listened to your heart, would say “No”.
Negative thoughts and emotions only make us feel bad. There is no happiness or smiling faces when we have those thoughts. No joy in our hearts. Is this what we really want out of life?
We must be willing to release our old, negative thoughts and beliefs. They are only thoughts that stand in our way of true happiness and joy. Some will say that is easier said than done. Well it is. We are only asking you to REPLACE your negative thoughts with positive ones. Positive thoughts that will give you peace, happiness and fulfillment. When you put all your attention on your positive thoughts, your negative thoughts will lose their focus and value. You don’t necessarily have to give up being hurt or mad at a particular situation or person immediately (this will come eventually), but start to appreciate what you have in life instead.
Appreciation and gratitude are our emotional healers. Grateful thoughts can be very simple as; your home which provides you with warmth and shelter, friends that make you laugh, family who are there for you in times of sorrow or need, pets that just give you unconditional love, jobs that provide you with income, a beautiful day outside that makes you want to enjoy nature or your car that gets you to work everyday. It is amazing at how many things we take for granted that we do not notice to appreciate. When you deliberately plant good thoughts, your entire energy is uplifted. Why? Because when you focus on good thoughts, that is what you will attract in your life. So when those negative thoughts pop up, don’t give them any attention. Laugh them off and immediately replace them with ANY good thoughts at that time.
If you were to appreciate or express gratitude of something that happened to you at least ONCE A DAY for at least 30 days, you would be amazed at how your life could change. Take it a step further and write it down every night before you go to bed. In 30 days, you will be surprised at what you’ll come to know about yourself and like as well. You may even want to explore a 90 day personal development program that will change your life not just for today – but forever. For me, this discovery enabled me to quit my job and enter into an in-home business adventure that is providing me with financial wealth and happiness. It may open the same doors for you.
So, are you willing to let go and BE HAPPY? Try it – you might like it.
About the Author: Sheri Falcone is a novice author, student of personal growth, and entrepreneur who enjoys helping others become truly empowered and achieve their dreams. She has turned her passion into a lucrative personal development business, www.setnolimits.info. This business system provides all the tools you will need to create greater prosperity. Her enthusiasm is contagious and she believes laughter and appreciation are our emotional healers.
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Being in the Awareness of Balance to Do What You Do More Joyously
Balance, just as any idea or thing or person, has energy and is energy. As you become more and more attuned to energy, you recognize ideas and things and people more easily, without needing visual clues for proof. You might say that you can see more accurately with your eyes closed.
At a very early age, most people are taught to go after the things that they really want. The willingness to fight is often a primary indication that something is worthwhile. To fight, compete, and achieve are lifted up as important values. Schools, teachers, and parents usually reward those who are "better than" and shame or correct those who are "lesser than." Managers and Employers usually promote those who provide answers, are aggressive, take risks, and solve problems.
What about you? If you have had such a cultural conditioning, it can come as a real shock to hear that what you need to do is "allow" or "be in the flow" or "let go" or "relax." These can seem like really soft or surreal ideas if you have been successful by doing things, by charging forward, by taking risks.
In my view, it is not such a paradox. Perhaps that is because I do not advocate replacing outward action with inward reflection; I advocate a balance. I more often speak about relaxation, meditation, and being in the flow because I am most often talking with very intelligent, upbeat, tenacious persons who are very successful in their careers. If I spoke mostly to those who are depressed or lazy, I would be suggesting more active and even aggressive strategies. It is joyous balance that I advocate, a condition that is most often achieved by incorporating a pleasant opposite of what is usually experienced.
Generally, here is how I see the human condition: You come into this world eager and lively, tapped into a deep and profound awareness of your magnificence, knowing who you truly are. Then, you are taught to forget who you are by older people who have forgotten who they are. Then, you act in ways that reflect the established culture, creating false images of who you truly are. Then, you must let go of all those manifestations and forms that you have created and remember again who you truly are.
Being, allowing, letting go, being in the flow, and opening are qualities that help you to remember and provide balance for doing whatever you do. Doers already know how to do; doers need to learn how to be, in order to recognize and integrate their wholeness. If every breath is only an out-breath, there is no in-breath to provide more air to sustain the next breaths.
Balance can be elusive if you try to grab it, to take charge of it. So, too, joy can be elusive if you try to grab it, to take charge of it. Therefore, you must be in a receptive mode. Being in a receptive mode makes you more open to vision and to the power of creating from Spirit. As you allow a higher vibration of energy flow through you, you more easily let go of strongly-held human belief in limitation. This higher vibration of energy is the same as that of the new-born who exude eagerness and trust in life.
At any given moment you might feel as though you are "giving up" the familiarity of doing in order to be, or "giving up" being in order to do. The idea is to find balance over time so that you feel empowered in your actions and empowered in your moments of reflection and silence.
Do you live in the consciousness of joyous balance?
Jeanie Marshall is a Personal Development Consultant and Coach with Marshall House, http://www.mhmail.com She writes extensively on subjects related to personal empowerment, meditation, and effective use of language, including her free Mini Course, Meditate Now: 21 Days to Meditate Regularly at http://www.meditatenowguide.com/ You may republish this at your web site or blog, provided you include this paragraph and make all links active.
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